Goodbye You

7 months later and I realize I’ve been lying to myself. I thought I was over you. Looking at your pictures, at your words and I wouldn’t feel anything. In my drunken state I saw you in person for the first time and didn’t feel anything. But I heard about how you’re trying to date again and I felt something. 

I meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy. I still mean that. But I’m a little sad. And I shouldn’t be. Because you didn’t do anything wrong. Feelings or lack thereof for someone can’t be controlled. I would never force you to want to be with me. But I guess in our short time together, I had hoped I was enough that eventually we would be. Even if it took a slow burning journey to get there.

Now I can’t help but wonder what that short time together meant to you. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. But not enough that puts me in the running. That’s the worst part.

I’m never enough for someone to want to get to know. You stopped anything before it could get started which again, I understand. You weren’t ready. But now you are? Your brother doesn’t seem to think so. He wants you to be happy too and you’re free to do what you want. But I think you run away from your feelings. And I don’t just mean with me, I mean in general. 

I really do mean it when I say I want you to be happy. And I want you (if that’s what you want) to find someone good who will make you happy. Now I know that that’s not me and it makes me a little sad but I have to let you go. 

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